No mas lluvia por hoy

No ha parado de llover. El tiempo logre consumirlo en medio de las gotas que sonaban en el calentador. El trabajo me ha consumido las energias de hoy sin embargo no para de llover... la lluvia me da ganas de fumar; tambien me entristece, me da hambre. Mientras las hormigas invaden el piso del bano y me cocina, escucho las gotas caer en el patio. Hoy vi llover, y recorde lo de hace un ano. Alli empezo aquel descubrimiento personal. Siempre llueve en tiempos de elecciones- no quisiera tener aquel trabajo nunca mas. El pelo se me encrespa y pienso en el pasado. No quiero que llueva este ano en mi cumpleanos. Patrick siempre decia que mi presencia en esta ciudad coincidia con la lluvia. Ya no se que hacer con las hormigas; estoy cansada de pelear. Mejor me voy a dormir, a tocar las sabanas frias que me recuerdan que la lluvia es como la vulnerabilidad. pero es tambien su expresion de poder. Lo que la lluvia me trajo el ano pasado, se lo devuelvo con una sonrisa y un dedo apuntando hacia al cielo. El ruido me pone nostalgica, pero me ayuda a dormir- y me hace falta dormir. este ano: mamola a la lluvia!

away for so long, but found my way back home

With all this traveling in the last month, going west to east, north to south, south to north, and finally east to west (a total of 26 hours in a plane ina period of two weeks) I have caught all the possible flying viruses of the season; but in the midst of a terrible flu, I also found myself once again, thinking realisitically about the future, about the dreams, and the goals that I have set for myself during the last months. And is that taking three minutes in your life to look at a person and understand that you don't want to be there is as hard as trying to quit smoking (something that I still cannot give my last goodbyes). In all that craziness, I also went back to the past, to my home- a place that I have been neglecting to go for several months... adn without expecting it, I run into long flings from the past who make me question everything that I am currently doing with my life. And so, I thought about it and let myself go with the sweat of the city, the sky, the beautiful moon- and he was there- but for the first time, he was there to be all mine- kind of selfish to say something like this but after 5 years of fooling around between relationship breaks, we finally got the time to question why we never hooked up in the past. And so I cheated, but in a favorable way. Taking a break from a hurtful relationship thay simply has been going in order to allow time to break it, doesn't really seem like an honest relationship. besides, we did break it and simply stayed together for the remaining of the week. In these days, who doesn't get goodbye sex! Opps, I didn't mean that. Now that I think about it, I haven't got it in a couple of ocassions.
But well, I am happy at least to come back to my temporal home and life- but with dreams of settling unresolved issues. I have no clue where this fling will take me, and I am trying not to put too much hope... one thing for sure, is that I haven't had that tickling sensation in my stomach since my adolesence years and this surely feels good. Who doesn't like to be told that someone is thinking about all 24 hours a day! or that you are the most beautiful person in earth.
On a side note, I finally got my arepas to make it to the West coast... I truly missed that taste.