What to do with Copenhagen?

Is all over the news: the climate change conference in Copenhagen, Denmark where "world leaders" ae meeting to discuss how to stop global warming and climate change. I am trying to stay optimistic- at least for the sake of my Oxfam friends who arenot sleeping much since sunday. I am truly hoping that developed nations will increase their commitment to reduce their carbondioxide emissions. France is offering 30%- wow! that's ambitious! while berlusconi is taking pictures as if he was the biggest celebrity (that's what I heard).

I must confess that I am not green. period. I do attempt to recycle as much as I can; save energy at home; close the water faucet (if I remember), washing my clothes with cold water and not drive as much. But I also feel I am making progress- just last month I began riding the trirail in South Florida, followed by the metro to work...uh! that was quite the accomplishment I must say since I always thought that in south florida, either you drove a car or you were stucked wherever you were. So I am proud to say that at least- my level of awareness is growing to save the planet! Now that my daughter is almost 3 I want her to see snow in the colombian nevados just like I said a copuple of days ago in facebook. I truly want her to see the colombian jungle with an actual forest; I want her to be green. period.

All I can say now is that I have jope- I truly hope that the Copenhagen conference is a success- that Obama will increase the U.S. commitment to reduce emissions over 20% (at least!); that Developed nations will support the proposal to pit money on a fund to assist developing nations to improve their infrastructure and become energy efficient. I am crossign my fingers....

Semana 6 y 7!

Bueno... esta fue la semana de los super cambios de Valeria! Nos dio su primer sonrisa, nos convencio de que ya nos ve claramente, que ya reconoce la voz de los papas, nos mostro sus primeros intentos de gagear y finalmetne nos premio con la bella sorpresa que ya logra dormir toda la noche entera sin despertarnos ni una sola vez!!!! Nuestra Valeria nos tiene a todos hechos unas pelotas; todo el mundo tiene que ver con sus bellos ojos, sus hermosos gorditos y con sus piesitos bien carnuditos. Estamos enamorados... que lindo es tener a Valeria con nosotros!

progresion...

Valeria finally arriving!

It has been a long time since I dont write on this blog... much has changed; Luis and I are finally together living in South Florida after an amazing 10 day trip cross-country: LA, Joshua tree park, Las Vegas, Grand Canyon, Albuquerque, White Sands, then drove across Texas where there isn't much to see except for the occasional migra that had us all paranoid, then New Orleans, Atlanta, and Finally arriving to Fort Lauderdale. That was back in July before my belly started to show; of course we didnt know; and then finally arriving home, getting ready to start law school, and VOILA! we are going to be parents. So I got into law school with the belly growing, eating like a pig, sleeping a lot, snoring a lot, gaining extreme weight and becoming the most unproductive person in the world since Luis got me on this habit of not doing anything, and now, we are two weeks away from the birith of our daughter Valeria, and I dont want to do anyhting because of course I have Luis and my mom who do everything for me :) I took a break out of law school this semester, hoping I will be back in May. Things are calm for now, but I am getting impatient... not bored, just impatient. I do nt have much energy, and cant do much with the belly. I am taking Yoga classes but I cant see my toes any longer so is getting harder and harder... and in all honesty, aside from the extra-weight, I still cant believe i am pregnant, and I am future mom. Dad and Juan are coming to visit on the 16th... we are all getting impatient. I am kind of freaking out.... more to tell in a couple of weeks.... but being pregnant has been awesome; and I cant deny i am loving all the attention and the love. This is just what I needed to finally be calm, and happy.

check it out!

As I was doing some email-keeping, I ran into this awesome blog called good magazine. This is really worth reading! from environmental, to political, health, and other news this is what independent media offers to readers. I haven't enjoyed reading news in a long time and this is a great forum to reflect about the stauts of this infamous world. What better to save trees that reading a blog! Enjoy :)

Noticias para no escuchar

Aun estoy sin palabras sobre la victoria de Uribe. Realmente no me sorprendio, pues en el fondo sabia que el tipo ganaria aunque por razones muy equivocadas... esa es la parte que me pone triste. Aquellos que votaron por Uribe, votaron bajo una falsa promesa de paz- la llamada "seguridad" que la verdad me sabe mierda pues en Colombia lo que es inseguro es vivir en medio de tanta hipocresia. Me vale mierda ese pais; su gobierno, y todos los que votaron por Uribe; sobretodo aquellos que ni siquieran viven en Colombia y quieren meternos al Uribe por los ojos- ya solo les falta que nos metan a Bush tambien... Pero que estoy diciendo? Si Bush ya esta en Colombia :)

Me valen mierda todos aquellos que se olvidaron del verdadero problema en Colombia que es la maldita mafia de nuestro gobierno. Solo nos falta que nos metan un TLC como lo estan haciendo ya bajo la nocion que nos ayudara a erradicar la pobreza y nos dara platica. Ojala no nos olvidemos que todas esas policies yankees son las que tienen a Colombia como esta ahora- y si no me creen, les pido que me digan una cosa buena del plan Colombia.
Ya no quiero escuchar noticias... o por lo menos no por un tiempo. Me preparo a regresar a aquel infierno de miami, y a una casa llena de amog. Que ironia esta nocion de vivir. Pero estoy feliz.

Me vale mierda Uribe, pero a que no nos gana con el TLC. SImplemente, no me de noticias de Colombia, ni de Uribe, y mucho menos me diga que voto por el, por que la verdad es que me muero de asco... y de tristeza por su ignorancia. Eldia que en Colombia no haya desplazamiento, ni guerra, ni narcotrafico, ni hambre (que es realmente el problema mas grave que afronta nuestro pais), ese dia le hago venia y le prometo hacer campana de reeleccion por el que lo logro.

dealing with it!

Yesterday I quit my job. Today I thought for hours about how tell so many friends that I was leaving... for better! So I made the decision to move back to S. Florida. As much as I say that I don't like Miami, I can't wait to be home with my hubby. These decisions are always tough and make us question so many things in our lives; our careers, our future become more incertain than ever but there is a level of peace that is acquired when you know you are not embarking on this trip alone... ever again. That brings me peace of mind to know he will be there. As hard as it may get, i know he will be there. I didn't make this decision for another person; I made it for me, for both of us. Being together is the one thing I have always strive for and this is my chance to recover of those years lost. Vicky (my boss) said to me yesterday: "when you make these kind of decisions, you have to stick to them and never double guess yourself; you are doing the one thing I dream of doing one day". Nevertheless, there's always shame on not keeping one's words. Who am I if I can't keep my commitments? but I made a more important commitment to the love of my life and I plan to keep it. that's my peace with destiny and with all these past years of madness and solitude. I will miss my job because my job keeps me alive; gives me satisfaction, and makes me a better person everyday. It is up to me now to find same energy at home; be a wonderful partner, lover, wife and hopefully one day a great mother. These upcoming months will also be tough months... i can only ask you to be patient with me please.

thought of the day

"The Journey is the reward"- Thaoist saying.

Amog, asi que hay vamos.

noche de...

Ayer salia de la oficina dispuesta a comprar un poco de gasolina para mi nevera. estaba hambrienta desde hace dias, semanas, un mes. Mi ausencia de ella se debia a mi rompimiento con esta ciudad. LA ya no es la misma para mi; creo que nunca ha sido lo que yo buscaba. Pero sin culpas, LA me trajo grandes aventuras... retos, decepciones, muchos sofas, muchas nuevas direcciones. Y ahora pienso en que sera dejarla... cuanto la extranare? aun no lo se. En el camino a casa tambien pense en los acontecimientos de la noche... valentine's para muchos... no para mi. estas fechas tienen poca importancia para mi; creo que no la celebro desde hace mas de 3 anos; y las ultimas veces que lo hize fueron catastroficas; creo que la ultima vez fue en coconut grove, en una marina, donde el salmon resulto seco y atascado en mi garganta por una noche de acontecimientos desgraciados en una conversacion que no partia hacia ningun lugar. Creo que aquel dia fue cuando renuncie a Rene. ya no habia esperanzas; todo estaba perdido.

Asi que ayer examine mis alrededores y me di cuenta que no estaba triste por no celebrar San Valentin. Me senti triste por otras cosas, como me siento desde el dia que me case y tuve que partir... la proxima semana estaremos juntos para amarnos, tocarnos, para joder. Sin embargo, me tire a cocinar- algo que no hacia con tantas ganas y devocion en muchisimo tiempo; todo mientras escuchaba la voz melodiosa de mi lucho quien me acompanaba mientras detallamente le narraba el proceso de mi chicken farfalle recipe. Quedo exquisita, lista para mejorar y impresionar una proxima vez. Contaba anoche como comensaria mi proximo blog... pero llegue hasta aqui, menos criticona, tranquila, y relajada. Por que danarle la felicidad a aquellos infelices que compraron flores y chocolates solo con la esperanza de getting laid. or can it be truthful love? valentine's doesnt mean anything anymore.

las ojeras en la manana estaban acompanadas de una sonrisa pensando el ti. A pesar de tu ausencia de la cama, estaba alli... un perfumado osito que me recordaba tu rostro; y ahi sonrei.

Cancion de Otono

Jose Luis Perales

como sopla el viento en las ventanas
como llueve hoy
como esta la calle de vacia
como muere el sol

Estos dias grises del otono... me ponen triste
y al calor del fuego de mi hoguera
te recuerdo hoy...

Te recuerdo hoy... a ti
que eres mi vida entera
la brisa de primavera... la claridad
A ti
que sufres cuando me esperas
me miras a las estrella
y que suspiras... por mi

como arrastra el viento aquellas horas
como llueve hoy
y que torpe vuela por el cielo... ese gorrion

Se han quedado mudos eso nidos
de golongrinas
y sentado al borde de la noche
te recuerdo hoy...

Te recuerdo hoy... a ti
que eres mi vida entera
la brisa de primavera... la claridad
A ti
que sufres cuando me esperas
me miras a las estrella
y que suspiras... por mi

tus palabras pasan lentamente
frente a mi balcon
el reloj se escucha como siempre
en el comedor

Estos dias grises del otono
me ponen triste
y al calor del fuego de mi hoguera
te recuerdo hoy..

Te recuerdo hoy... a ti
que eres mi vida entera
la brisa de primavera... la claridad
A ti
que sufres cuando me esperas
me miras a las estrella
y que suspiras... por mi

como sopla el viento en las ventanas
como llueve hoy.

I am no longer a miss... I am NOT!

What defines our title of I am no longer a "miss"... losing our virginities or getting married? I have done both... but not at the same time as my mother would have wished. And so I start this new year as a "Mrs" extremely happy because I married the man of my life; confused because things do change, especially when you realize that there are some behaviors that no matter what, they will have to go away. A friend of mine told me a couple of days ago... you must turn in the little black agenda; my first reaction was that not in this life I would give up my little black book, not even if I was married... but then, everything sort of came together- why would I like to hold into that little agenda? there really isn't anything worth saving anyway! Thus, I decided to not only disattach myself from that infamous little book, but throw it to hell- what kind of friend would I be if I was to share that book? there really isn't anything worth sharing or saving, except for the bowlers that help me out during campaign time- those contacts, are worth saving and guarding for years to come.
No matter how open minded we are, things do change when you say the "I do". what should I wear the next day when I am meeting with some bowlers? the truth is that I would no longer want to wear the tied-shirts. Marriage is not a condemnation but it certainly changes your style of fashion. Then comes the issue of the male friends: why in this world I didn't make more female friends? that answer comes as simple as understanding that I can barely resist my own presence when I have pms. That's exactly the reason why most women do prefer to have male friends except for the gay ones that no matter how understanding they are, their drama always overpasses your drama and so, women end up becoming the real male friends so these poor lost homosexual souls can talk all they want and we get to assume that we have a pinus and so we don't have feelings.
At the end, the title of a "Mrs" does add value to your personality. Most men do understand that when a woman is married, she's really off the market. Some men don't of course but a distance is truly set. In Business, and when you look like you are 18, being married gives you tons of credibility which is good for me because I would no longer have to wear the high heels or the extra make up to look older. And for some newly wed women, the title of Mrs may even make you look or feel sexier.

All that remains now is to officially recognize that we are no longer a miss, and getting used to the idea that "the boyfriend" is no longer the husband and that with marriage comes the extra-calories, the loss of bed-space, the shared showers, and giving up the expensive clothes. The new Mrs must now pray that everyday your husband will wake up feeling that he loves you more than yesterday, and that once in a while he will show up home with that beautiful necklace that you have been wishing to get for the last 6 years. I am crossing my fingers.

A mi tambien me dieron ganas

... de montarme en un avion esta noche para ir en busca de cositas
...de unas lindas cosquillitas por aqui, y por aca
... que rico son esas cosquillitas sin olvidarme de las otras cositas que me haras
... que rico acostarme hoy y recibirlas, pero solo las tuyas!
... creo me quedare con las ganas otra vez

One more year, and we still haven't made any progress in fighting HIV/AIDS

So today is World's AIDS day and this is my way of mourning it. Today's LA Times editorial "A day of failed promise" talks about the horrible realization that we are losing the war against HIV/Aids. And "we" is not only those powerful governments who have the money and technology to control this epidemic, but all of us in this world for not making a commitment to fight back. The rethoric about abstinence is not going to solve the problem, would "safe sex" do it for us? I even laugh about this because I know that there isn't safe sex except for abstinence and I would be the first one to make a plight against abstinence. The article says something that really made me think about the failure of world leaders' policies in combating the endemic: "The highest rates of new infection in sub-Saharan Africa are among young married women, who for the most part are faithful to their husbands; they need condoms for their husbands and for themselves, not lectures on abstinence''. How can you stop women in Africa from not getting infected with AIDS? Do they have a choice like me? like you? Do we really think these women will say no to their husbands when having sex?

Go to Kenya and you will see women in the streets prostituting for food; women who often take the road of prostitution to feed their children in the absence of a husband- or some who are simply running from the punches of this same man... This isn't a speech about feminism either but the reality is that women and children get hit the hardest by papa AIDS. Cultural practices are not only keeping women and children in poverty but are sending them directly to the grave with a disgusting disease- worst is the thought that there are actually enough antiviral medicine to give to all people infected with HIV and Aids. So why aren't these drugs making it to their hands? simply because we have economic interests and forces that are not willing to share a patent to make these drugs cheaper and thus more accessible to the poor people. Even in the U.S.A the treatment of HIV and AIDS is one of the most expensive treatments around the world. If we in the U.S. do not have insurance and hence cannot have access to these medicines, how can we expect people in the poor countries to get better?

A final thought... and this is how ridiculous these world policies are getting- Brazil, at the beginning of this year refused to accept U.S. Aid to fight HIV/Aids because they weren't willing to accept american policies that the sex profession needed to be considered illegal in order for Brazil to benefit form this aid. Good for Lula when he said No to these blackmailing policies by the U.S. but... bad for the many people in Brazil who now don't have access to those medicines. Where should we put the balance on governmental policies to protect public health? people go first and many sacrifices need to be made.

Have you gotten tested yet?

Amog... estas leyendo el blog?

Y ahora que voy a escribir? no es que me sienta violada pero es como raro no crees? ya no puedo rajar de los hombres como antes, ni de aquellos que por ahi usan este espacio para metersen en nuestras vidad privadas... mentiras, a esos si los seguire jodiendo. umm- pero para esto fue que cree este blog, cierto? asi que me animare a seguir escribiendo aunque estes leyendolo. Conste que si lo critico no es para que se ofenda mucho- recuerda que este es mi espacio, my free speech zone- y si no le gusta: pues no lea. Yo escribo para mi-no para usted. Aunque seria chevere estimular una conversacion llena de comentarios escandalosos... tal vez nos reiriamos mas al encontrarnos nuevamente. Que rebundancia. pero por esta vez te mando un blog directo a ti: estoy feliz... me haces muy feliz y por eso te quiero. Me da hasta cosita pensar que ya no tengo drama en mi vida: de que escribo ahora? si... pura rebundancia.

Buzy two weeks

and so I am back... between DC, NYC, FL and LAX taking me from one side to the other, I wonder how much life am I losing flying? how many hours in total/ my guess is about 17 hours divided into three trips in less than 2 weeks. That's without counting that next week, I will be flying approx. 15 hours :( and let me add the jet lag that even though is only 3 hours between west and east, my head, mind and my poor stomach get all confused and forget at what times I have to do specific things... and let's count the excitement- if Televisa or Caracol write novelas based on the lives of real people, they would be having a total success with my own story of love, hate, love, hate, yes, no, maybe, perhaps, let me think about it... ahhh, just wishing I could relax for a little bit and dissapear fromeverything and anyone. I am loving having this exciting non-stopping life- what gets me frustrated is my inability to make tough decisions that will not only affect my life but the future of others. On a positive note, I got to see my fahter who I hadn't seen in almost 2 years :)

Si Dios fuera una mujer

Por Mario Benedetti-
(¿y si Dios fuera una mujer? -Juan Gelman)

¿Y si Dios fuera mujer?
pregunta Juan sin inmutarse,
vaya, vaya si Dios fuera mujer
es posible que agnósticos y ateos
no dijéramos no con la cabeza
y dijéramos sí con las entrañas.
Tal vez nos acercáramos a su divina desnudez
para besar sus pies no de bronce,
su pubis no de piedra,
sus pechos no de mármol,
sus labios no de yeso.
Si Dios fuera mujer la abrazaríamos
para arrancarla de su lontananza
y no habría que jurar
hasta que la muerte nos separe
ya que sería inmortal por antonomasia
y en vez de transmitirnos SIDA o pánico
nos contagiaría su inmortalidad.
Si Dios fuera mujer no se instalaría
lejana en el reino de los cielos,
sino que nos aguardaría en el zaguán del infierno,
con sus brazos no cerrados,
su rosa no de plástico
y su amor no de ángeles.
Ay Dios mío, Dios mío
si hasta siempre y desde siempre
fueras una mujer
qué lindo escándalo sería,
qué venturosa, espléndida, imposible,
prodigiosa blasfemia.

No mas lluvia por hoy

No ha parado de llover. El tiempo logre consumirlo en medio de las gotas que sonaban en el calentador. El trabajo me ha consumido las energias de hoy sin embargo no para de llover... la lluvia me da ganas de fumar; tambien me entristece, me da hambre. Mientras las hormigas invaden el piso del bano y me cocina, escucho las gotas caer en el patio. Hoy vi llover, y recorde lo de hace un ano. Alli empezo aquel descubrimiento personal. Siempre llueve en tiempos de elecciones- no quisiera tener aquel trabajo nunca mas. El pelo se me encrespa y pienso en el pasado. No quiero que llueva este ano en mi cumpleanos. Patrick siempre decia que mi presencia en esta ciudad coincidia con la lluvia. Ya no se que hacer con las hormigas; estoy cansada de pelear. Mejor me voy a dormir, a tocar las sabanas frias que me recuerdan que la lluvia es como la vulnerabilidad. pero es tambien su expresion de poder. Lo que la lluvia me trajo el ano pasado, se lo devuelvo con una sonrisa y un dedo apuntando hacia al cielo. El ruido me pone nostalgica, pero me ayuda a dormir- y me hace falta dormir. este ano: mamola a la lluvia!

away for so long, but found my way back home

With all this traveling in the last month, going west to east, north to south, south to north, and finally east to west (a total of 26 hours in a plane ina period of two weeks) I have caught all the possible flying viruses of the season; but in the midst of a terrible flu, I also found myself once again, thinking realisitically about the future, about the dreams, and the goals that I have set for myself during the last months. And is that taking three minutes in your life to look at a person and understand that you don't want to be there is as hard as trying to quit smoking (something that I still cannot give my last goodbyes). In all that craziness, I also went back to the past, to my home- a place that I have been neglecting to go for several months... adn without expecting it, I run into long flings from the past who make me question everything that I am currently doing with my life. And so, I thought about it and let myself go with the sweat of the city, the sky, the beautiful moon- and he was there- but for the first time, he was there to be all mine- kind of selfish to say something like this but after 5 years of fooling around between relationship breaks, we finally got the time to question why we never hooked up in the past. And so I cheated, but in a favorable way. Taking a break from a hurtful relationship thay simply has been going in order to allow time to break it, doesn't really seem like an honest relationship. besides, we did break it and simply stayed together for the remaining of the week. In these days, who doesn't get goodbye sex! Opps, I didn't mean that. Now that I think about it, I haven't got it in a couple of ocassions.
But well, I am happy at least to come back to my temporal home and life- but with dreams of settling unresolved issues. I have no clue where this fling will take me, and I am trying not to put too much hope... one thing for sure, is that I haven't had that tickling sensation in my stomach since my adolesence years and this surely feels good. Who doesn't like to be told that someone is thinking about all 24 hours a day! or that you are the most beautiful person in earth.
On a side note, I finally got my arepas to make it to the West coast... I truly missed that taste.

What I miss about...

Disclaimer- Katie... what I great idea!

1. My family- I miss the family circus, the smell of the cats' shit dump, my mom's incense, her voice... the tarot, I miss the food, GOD! and el chisme sin duda. There's always a reason to criticize- miss sleeping with my little sis. Ernie's long "fantastic" stories about his work. y mis colchones- malditos que aun estoy pagando.
2. Florida- just the water- the rich life. Nanis- who else will talk with me for hours! (the drinking plays a big role on these long conversations). Mr. Luiso, his laugh- flirting, that unique smile when looking at my tits. La cubana de Maria- quien mas puede darme all the political and gay gossip- not to mention la farandula. The sunset- except for the disgraceful mosquitoes. sometimes Rene.
3. NY- mi hermanito. smell of the street pee- la carola reganando a juan. Ix- even though he tried to be the boss most of the time. miss his dancing, su negreria, su voz. The noise, movement, life. Central park is a plus! winter, but not the fucking snow.
4. France- les parents. the food- wine, cheese- the long political conversations. the face in mom's face when she makes a connerie, and dad laughing at her; ma pauvre francoise. Soaz qui me parle de ses relations, de pot, de le future avec Xav. Mon petit kev qui est plus petit maintenant- il doit etre tres mignon now. Papan et ces escargots.
5. Colombia- la arepa y el calentado en la manana. Padre- alengando, hablando de Juanito. la leche- el arequipe, la cuca. Alcala y titan. normandia- la cigarreria. Los muchachos. el futbol y el estadio. los conciertos en pereira. Jairito y su voz. La ropa y el buen cuero. el pueblo- la gente. Bogota. Salento y la trucha. el camping con ricardo. el pot con F. la hamaca. papa de nuevo- el tango. el vinito frio con mi padre. fumar. que la gente critique al imbecil del uribe.

And what about LA? Do I like it? thank god for Osman y Sergio- sin ellos, me volveria loca. Love the wheather! Hermosa beach, the reading with Osman. La peleadera con paola. Las visitas esporadicas de Salomon. Sandra y su comida- the cursing. Her children even though there's times I want to kill them. Janelle and her stories- Felipe y Ben with their gay energy. Sergio's llamadas de apoyo. waking up with Ix- even though he is not here with me now. mi nevera llena. o vacia :( thank god for asian food- but please make sure it doesn't have any hairs. Katie- hoping she will come back to work for Oxfam. My office- my own office!!! my blackberry. Having no roommates :) but I miss all of you.

This is between the middle of nowhere... new mexico, texas, mexico. What a beautiful scenario... this is like a sentence to death- Fort Bliss- this is nowhere... the pre-stop before the Iraq war- it is horrible- I don't want you going there but there is no alternative... just stay safe. Al verte supe que nunca fuimos nada pero te quiero... has sido un gran amigo y solo te deseo lo mejor; me encanto hablarte de el- quien es? como ha cambiado mi vida! lo amo. solo recuerda tu promesa- no habran agujeros en tu cuerpo- regresa a nosotros safe- we love you- i love u too and I miss you with all my heart- and I love u too baby; Ixrael please come back to me soon.
V.