Can we ever understand War?

I have always thought of myself as a pacifist- I don't believe in war or armed conflict as some people prefer to say. But I never had any personal reasons to oppose it... until now. Knowing that you are leaving to Iraq really is scaring the shit out of me- I am taking this as a big toll... yes I am fearful not to see you again. Talking to you yesterday at least for that brief second brought back so many memories... many good ones too! I guess circumstances have changed now that I know we have closed a cycle; but I still wondered why you ever married. War is touching me for the first time and I can only ask you to please come back... you will not come back to me but you need to get back to your new family.... let me process this more before I see you again.

what must happen for change to occur?

In my line of work, you never know what will happen. There's the hope everyday that our hard work will have an impact in the lives of others but sometimes our work seems like a constant crash into a wall. I just wonder what will take for people to rise up and spak. My work is directed to support small farmers in the globe and to influence trade policies that will benefit them... that will improve their livelihoods. However, I find myself in positions where I can't get these small farmers to speak for themselves. There's so much apathy on the system here in the U.S. Small farmers especially minority farmers whine about the complezes of the system but don't take this whinning where they should take it and that's such a big frustration. I talk to them, listen to their concers, their challenges. I talk to them about the resources that we can provide for them: media training, lobbying training, even paid expenses for them to travel to the capitol and complain... even with this, these farmers opt for stay silent.

I may be a positivist by believing that there can be change and that people do have the power to achieve change... this is my life, and I see it everyday even if it is only to make some people mad. But when you get other people to react to what you are saying or doing then it is clear that your voice has been empowered. Now I rely on candles and miracles so my farmer' friends get encouraged to act, to react, to whine. But what can be the thing that can trigger a reaction from them? what needs to happen so they take power? the forclosure of their homes? the sudden death of one of their family members while working on a 107 farenheit environment in the farm? cuts in conservation programs that deprive them from working their lands due to lack of funds to maintain this operation? the starving of their children at school due to governmental cuts on nutrition programs?

where are we going now? how can we get them to believe in the dream?

The bay rules!

I am enjoying so much SF. what an extraordinary city... this place always makes me wonder such much about life. My first time in SF i got my heart broken but despite that, it was my first time ever doing something alone... tourism by myself; it was beautiful. I always knew I would be back. Here I am again; wanting to stay permanently. Berkeley reminds me so much of my childhood... the smell of the city; the wheather- Bogota. I love it! I see a future... especially enjoying it with you. I miss you so much- really wish you were here to see it.

que tiempo ni que cuento

... pero las respuestas estan ahi y tendre que ser paciente. Estoy feliz de volver; me espacio, mi casa, mi silencio... pero quedo el vacio. Se fueron los dos I y S y me quede con la nevera vacia. Y eso sin contar que me toco limpiar como loca! hasta pense en irme y mo mirar. Hoy miro el tapete; las manchas; las paredes vacias y quiero volver a mi rutina para no recordar. NY fue un buen descanso- rico ver a el juan y la carola tan contentos con su cueva. Felices los dos. Las payasadas me hicieron reir. Fueron buenos dias para recordar muchas cosas. Ahora me quede sin mi enana; por que la enana se me crecio. pero mi chiquita jamas dejara de ser mi enana.